I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
