oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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