The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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