I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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