i think i have herpe
just one?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
