the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
