omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
one might say we're banned from that church
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
