Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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