He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
