Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
