you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
