Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
