Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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