dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
