After last night, I could never be a politician.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
