Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
