Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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