I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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