You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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