You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
