Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
