The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
