i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
