hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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