Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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