U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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