eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
