just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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