I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What a fucking waste of an outfit
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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