There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
