I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
