I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
