he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
