A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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