I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
