We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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