There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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