hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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