Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
