i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
