I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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