Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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