I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
