My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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