I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
