why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
