fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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