the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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