Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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