remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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