Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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