Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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