i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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